The first perfect film trilogy

Famous quiff master and BBC film critic, Mark Kermode, named the Toy Story films ‘the first perfect trilogy’ (or something like that) last year, and while I don’t disagree that those three films aren’t outstanding, as I personally think everything Pixar have produced is solid gold. I think he overlooked a certain trilogy. This trilogy;

These films are 'Sympathy for Mister Vengeance,' 'Oldboy' and 'Sympathy for Lady Vengeance' and they make up Korean director Park Chan-wook’s ‘Vengeance Trilogy,’ and they’re so exceptional that I’m finding it hard to inject any of my trademark humour into this post because all I want to do is write about how bloody good they are so after reading this you go and watch them all in one sitting.

I suppose I’m cheating, as they aren’t really a conventional trilogy because the films don’t run on from each other, but they all have the same key theme, yes that’s right, vengeance.

I’m sorry to use a common cliché here, but they are all beautifully shot, you never want to look away from the screen. Each film includes a lot of graphic violence, but it’s actually used to move the story along, and not just to feed the gore libido of blood thirsty teenagers.

They also achieve something that even Woody and Buzz can’t claim, all the plots are entirely different, each a bit more barmy than the last. Sympathy For Mr. Vengeance has a dumb mute with green hair for its lead character, Oldboy includes the eating of a live octopus and Sympathy For Lady Vengeance has a whole manner of bizarre moments that crescendos with the face palming of a cake shaped like a block of tofu. Srsly.

So, yeah...

I want to weep

Let's play a game, let's see if you can spot the worst joke in this trailer.
Hint: It's awful and it's at the end.




If more than 10 people go and see this film, I'll lose my faith in everything I know and love about cinema.

He's that guy

Right, I’m back to full health now, so, as I’m in a positive mood, I feel like writing about a guy who is world renowned for being pretty damn awesome.

Which guy I hear you ask?

This is J.J. Abrams, someone who;

· Made my favourite TV show.

· Made Star Trek relevant again.

· Can turn any nerd into a slobbering mess whenever his name is attached to a project.

· Has the ability to look unbelievably smug but still really cool in every single photo.

I also recently learned that Abrams wrote one of my favourite films of my early teenage years, this film was called Road Kill (or Joy Ride if you’re a filthy American.)

I re-watched it lately and I deducted two things. The first being that, despite liking some shite, I didn’t have an absolutely appalling taste in films back in the day. Secondly, Road Kill is such an underrated and original thriller. The characters feel real, unlike being one dimensional stock characters that most thrillers tend to use these days. There are tons of ‘OMGZ’ moments that aren’t too overblown or contrived, which makes the film incredibly exciting. It also has Steve Zahn in it, and boy, do I love a bit of Steve Zahn.

Balls to singing nuns, I'd rather have muscular old men

Apologies to my avid readers for the lack of posts over the last couple of days, but the stress of having to write quality material got a bit too much for me and I fell rather ill.

I’m still not back to a 100% so this post is going to be short (in contrast to my four previous epics.)

The discussion of silly stickers/promotional tools has been much discussed on other blogs and twitter, but the other day I came across this;

No one is going to go to HMV with the intent of buying the Sister Act double pack and see that banner thing and think ‘OMG LOOK, THE EXPENDABLES, THAT’S BEEN OUT SINCE NOVEMBER, FUCK SISTER ACT, I’M GOING TO FIND AND BUY THAT!!!’

It’s just never going to happen .

Also, if you tell me that the banner thing has probably just been left on since no one has bought that particular DVD, go and rot in a hole, the two films are completely unrelated and dissimilar so my point is still valid (ish.)

NEDS

As I start this review, I’d just like to point out that I’m an absolute sucker for films about hooliganism; I just go mad for the excessive swearing and violence (I even loved Kidulthood and Adulthood for christ sake.) So when I saw the trailer for Peter Mullan’s new film set in 1970's Glasgow about a boy getting involved in some gang action, I knew that I was going to be in for a good time as it was filled with fights a plenty.

Now don’t get me wrong Neds is a good film, there’s no doubt about that, but the Scottish accents are so thick that I really couldn’t understand what the hell was going on. Please don’t think this is some kind of racism, I was trying very hard to know what they were saying, but it just wasn’t working for me. Because of this, the majority of the film just seemed like random scenes of teenagers slicing each other up, throwing fireworks through windows and running away from each other, and as I didn’t know their motives for this, it all seemed very disjointed.

If I can be bothered I might re watch it, or just watch this for my teenage violence needs;

Look, it has more teenagers running and I bet that dog could fuck some shit up.

A pedantic thing that pisses me off about films

I’m not sure if anyone else in the world even cares or notices this, but one thing that really gets on my tit ends in films is when a mobile phone receives a call and it just looks like this;

THAT IS NOT WHAT PHONES LOOK LIKE IN REAL LIFE!

Sorry for the crap image, but I couldn’t find a suitable one on Google so I left it up to my supreme paint skills.

As most people now own a phone, surely film makers understand that the public knows what a phone looks like when it’s being rung.

Ahhhhhh, now that’s a load off my mind.